To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 A M EST.
I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled
the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you
somehow come across this message.
I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I
drew my pistol after you took my jacket. It was not cold, but I was wearing
the jacket for a reason that evening. My girlfriend had just bought me that
Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for Christmas, and we picked up a shoulder holster for it that
evening. It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably
wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your
pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you left your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me.
I didn't want your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell,
and explained your situation. I bought myself and four other people in the
gas station a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons
and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy over by Vinnie Van Go Go's,
along with the cash in your wallet. I threw the wallet in a pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb
after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the driver side.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell
just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day
now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I got in two threatening
phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was
really "edit for bad language" and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).
I'd like to apologize for not killing you, and instead making you walk back
home humiliated. I hope you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next
time you might not be so lucky. - Alex
P.S. Remember this motto...an armed society is a polite society!
